30mins to knock time,.. again i am here writing this lonely blog of mine...
as usual i miss her again, terribly..i noe i have to swallow it all my own... its always i miss her now, miss her then, miss her this , miss her that... guess she wld have grown tired of hearing that by now.... there is after all this limit amt of words i can use to say i miss her.. whr in fact the feeling of missing a person, expecially one thats u luv so much.. its juz indescribable...
smth times end of the dae, i really wish i can ask her, hows ur dae? if she is tired, i wld make her a warmth cup of coffee, if she goes to sleep early i wld love to cover her wif the blanket and watch her slp... she is always so adorable when she sleeps... :)
Did many cases todae... it had been a long dae , think goes the same for bing ba... the cases todae seems quite positive compared to the ones i did last week~ couples in cases i did todae luv one another very much... much like me n bing.. despite conflicts and many diffrences , thru counselling they willing to stay on to the marriage... and do their best to start all over again.. though the report nvr say exactly the reason to it.. we all noe its down to love btw two very special pple...
my relationship wif bing isn't like any other couples whose love fade and die away thru time... that was nvr the reason we broke up... i still love her and still behave wierdly whenever i see her.. haha.. still do stoopid things like listens to her voice (sms) and video in my hp when she is in nepal everydae...i wld play the video of her everydae ( even todae) ,.....while she on the other end of the world , she wld draw heart shapes on snow wif outr names inside it... juz like honey moon period~... our luv is not those very very expressive kind, ours is more everything we keep to our hearts.. very sweet kind... perhaps many too much hidden love that produced the side effects... sigh
buddhism has brought me peace, whenever i felt i am losing control of my mind, i have read its teachings.. and its main pt of spreading love... this i feel its very very impt,... i dunno whether i wld become a buddhist eventually, but i am applying wat i learn everydae... i wrote this blog todae becoz of the cases i did todae that i feel had put me in another perspective in my mind... love~
i love bing dearly, but that doesn't mean by listening to buddist teachings i am showing my luv for her..and thru these teachings i WILL become a better person... dun think it werks like that..... i feel that, wat i must do now is first seek to understand this love.. wat is it abt..i reflected on me and bing's love... i realise ours is a very sweet kind of love... and very family family kind of love... haiya dunno how to explain...haha a cozy comfortable feeling... the feeling of cuddle comfortably wif each other inside the blanket... hugging tightly, the feeling having each other;s warmth for the night....
i am going to keep this love wif me... inside me... for a very very long time... hopefully i cld use this love to win her back again... i will try my best... i had luch alone todae, suddenly a thought flashes across my head, i rememebr the conversation i had wif bing on the other night, saying if i had the magic brush i will draw a delorean to go back to the future prevent all these from happening.. this thought that comes to my mind, if i had a delorean and i go back to 5 yrs ago, i looking for the me going to starbucks where i wld eventually ask bing to be my gf... i will tell me wat will happen to us... that me n bing lasted onli 5 yrs, but its a very very happy 5 yrs... then after that u will feel extremely miserable for losing her, it will be the biggest impact in ur life u ever imagined, wld u still ask bing to be ur gf?
i can still rememeber the feeling i was having, while on my way to starbucks, heart bouncing up n down... wat if she dun wan how? then all the efforts will be wasted.. then i will be very sad... excited yet afraid~ my sketchbook is my onli hope! haha... i remember everydae before that i have to see her on icq , or see her email if not i will feel like my dae is juz not complete..., sometimes i will wait aimless in front of the pc juz to wait for her to go online... hogging the pc, then got scolding from sis... i am juz a stoopid poly boy fallin in love... everydae i reach home, the first thing will be on my pc~ love the nights when we chat all the way into the night, i remember that period of time, the nights are always raining, then 'our' song is like 'ai hen jian dan'... she luvs david tao...~~ even after we got together, calling her at 10 pm+ has become part of my life~ she too has been part of my life... a family member to me...
"Yes".... is my answer... even b4 i step inside starbucks, i know have given my heart to her long time ago... she is the onli girl i wan to be wif.... BUT if i know i will be and going to cause alot of hurt to her... then probably i wun pass her the sketch book....or meet her..... becoz at that point of time the very last thing i wanna do is to hurt her.. she is juz so precious to me i wldn't wan her to feel hurt in any other way...my love for her is a very very pure kind of luv...the love of juz wanting to see her everydae.. listen to her.. hug her when she is sad... based on my character then, i wld probably scold and push my future self for ruining everything, and hate myself for the things i have done... i wld probably ran off without saying a word... feeling hurt and full of hatred for myself....
Wat wld u, sitting at starbucks think? i did not turn up..~ wld u be angry?.... u will be puzzled ,prb angry... but at least u wun feel hurt like todae.... u wun feel regret... for saying yes, u will be my gf... everything that happened in the past 5 years wld not have happened... i wld go thru army my own... u will not wait for me to come home everyweekend... i wld not call u everynite.. all the tears and joy we had together... all the happy and sad times we been thru... everything prb wld not have happened....
at this pt i notice how love shapes itself diffrently over time... it grows and evolve... from innocent innocent love to family family love.. they are both so sweet... i think right this very moment i am relishing the innocent kind of love... dunno why it all keep coming back to me... this love is a simple kind of love,... a love wif one thing in mind, juz to wish u happy... and it juz keeps my beating faster whenever i think of u...
when i look for u again i will come to wif a simple kind of luv and a family kind of love.. its unique and one of its kind, i can't give this to another girl and u can't find it in another guy, becoz this love belongs to juz u and me... and if u really were to accept me a again~ i swore i will never never ever going to be the old me again~~ all becoz i dun wan to u ever feel hurt again....
Its still my dream that i am werking towards to... i noe i can do it~
and serious, if i am able to go back to the past, i wun let my old me run away like that(that is after i told him wat happened in the future), i will let him beat me up if he wans, but i wan him to noe that this 5 yrs is going to be the happiest happiest 5 yrs of my life, treasure it wholeheartly... bing is waiting for u! ~ if he run too fast i cannot catch up, i will go starbucks myself pose my old self, at least i can see u again~~ hoho! ~~ too much Back to the future liao!!
ok! xia ban le!
xian
as usual i miss her again, terribly..i noe i have to swallow it all my own... its always i miss her now, miss her then, miss her this , miss her that... guess she wld have grown tired of hearing that by now.... there is after all this limit amt of words i can use to say i miss her.. whr in fact the feeling of missing a person, expecially one thats u luv so much.. its juz indescribable...
smth times end of the dae, i really wish i can ask her, hows ur dae? if she is tired, i wld make her a warmth cup of coffee, if she goes to sleep early i wld love to cover her wif the blanket and watch her slp... she is always so adorable when she sleeps... :)
Did many cases todae... it had been a long dae , think goes the same for bing ba... the cases todae seems quite positive compared to the ones i did last week~ couples in cases i did todae luv one another very much... much like me n bing.. despite conflicts and many diffrences , thru counselling they willing to stay on to the marriage... and do their best to start all over again.. though the report nvr say exactly the reason to it.. we all noe its down to love btw two very special pple...
my relationship wif bing isn't like any other couples whose love fade and die away thru time... that was nvr the reason we broke up... i still love her and still behave wierdly whenever i see her.. haha.. still do stoopid things like listens to her voice (sms) and video in my hp when she is in nepal everydae...i wld play the video of her everydae ( even todae) ,.....while she on the other end of the world , she wld draw heart shapes on snow wif outr names inside it... juz like honey moon period~... our luv is not those very very expressive kind, ours is more everything we keep to our hearts.. very sweet kind... perhaps many too much hidden love that produced the side effects... sigh
buddhism has brought me peace, whenever i felt i am losing control of my mind, i have read its teachings.. and its main pt of spreading love... this i feel its very very impt,... i dunno whether i wld become a buddhist eventually, but i am applying wat i learn everydae... i wrote this blog todae becoz of the cases i did todae that i feel had put me in another perspective in my mind... love~
i love bing dearly, but that doesn't mean by listening to buddist teachings i am showing my luv for her..and thru these teachings i WILL become a better person... dun think it werks like that..... i feel that, wat i must do now is first seek to understand this love.. wat is it abt..i reflected on me and bing's love... i realise ours is a very sweet kind of love... and very family family kind of love... haiya dunno how to explain...haha a cozy comfortable feeling... the feeling of cuddle comfortably wif each other inside the blanket... hugging tightly, the feeling having each other;s warmth for the night....
i am going to keep this love wif me... inside me... for a very very long time... hopefully i cld use this love to win her back again... i will try my best... i had luch alone todae, suddenly a thought flashes across my head, i rememebr the conversation i had wif bing on the other night, saying if i had the magic brush i will draw a delorean to go back to the future prevent all these from happening.. this thought that comes to my mind, if i had a delorean and i go back to 5 yrs ago, i looking for the me going to starbucks where i wld eventually ask bing to be my gf... i will tell me wat will happen to us... that me n bing lasted onli 5 yrs, but its a very very happy 5 yrs... then after that u will feel extremely miserable for losing her, it will be the biggest impact in ur life u ever imagined, wld u still ask bing to be ur gf?
i can still rememeber the feeling i was having, while on my way to starbucks, heart bouncing up n down... wat if she dun wan how? then all the efforts will be wasted.. then i will be very sad... excited yet afraid~ my sketchbook is my onli hope! haha... i remember everydae before that i have to see her on icq , or see her email if not i will feel like my dae is juz not complete..., sometimes i will wait aimless in front of the pc juz to wait for her to go online... hogging the pc, then got scolding from sis... i am juz a stoopid poly boy fallin in love... everydae i reach home, the first thing will be on my pc~ love the nights when we chat all the way into the night, i remember that period of time, the nights are always raining, then 'our' song is like 'ai hen jian dan'... she luvs david tao...~~ even after we got together, calling her at 10 pm+ has become part of my life~ she too has been part of my life... a family member to me...
"Yes".... is my answer... even b4 i step inside starbucks, i know have given my heart to her long time ago... she is the onli girl i wan to be wif.... BUT if i know i will be and going to cause alot of hurt to her... then probably i wun pass her the sketch book....or meet her..... becoz at that point of time the very last thing i wanna do is to hurt her.. she is juz so precious to me i wldn't wan her to feel hurt in any other way...my love for her is a very very pure kind of luv...the love of juz wanting to see her everydae.. listen to her.. hug her when she is sad... based on my character then, i wld probably scold and push my future self for ruining everything, and hate myself for the things i have done... i wld probably ran off without saying a word... feeling hurt and full of hatred for myself....
Wat wld u, sitting at starbucks think? i did not turn up..~ wld u be angry?.... u will be puzzled ,prb angry... but at least u wun feel hurt like todae.... u wun feel regret... for saying yes, u will be my gf... everything that happened in the past 5 years wld not have happened... i wld go thru army my own... u will not wait for me to come home everyweekend... i wld not call u everynite.. all the tears and joy we had together... all the happy and sad times we been thru... everything prb wld not have happened....
at this pt i notice how love shapes itself diffrently over time... it grows and evolve... from innocent innocent love to family family love.. they are both so sweet... i think right this very moment i am relishing the innocent kind of love... dunno why it all keep coming back to me... this love is a simple kind of love,... a love wif one thing in mind, juz to wish u happy... and it juz keeps my beating faster whenever i think of u...
when i look for u again i will come to wif a simple kind of luv and a family kind of love.. its unique and one of its kind, i can't give this to another girl and u can't find it in another guy, becoz this love belongs to juz u and me... and if u really were to accept me a again~ i swore i will never never ever going to be the old me again~~ all becoz i dun wan to u ever feel hurt again....
Its still my dream that i am werking towards to... i noe i can do it~
and serious, if i am able to go back to the past, i wun let my old me run away like that(that is after i told him wat happened in the future), i will let him beat me up if he wans, but i wan him to noe that this 5 yrs is going to be the happiest happiest 5 yrs of my life, treasure it wholeheartly... bing is waiting for u! ~ if he run too fast i cannot catch up, i will go starbucks myself pose my old self, at least i can see u again~~ hoho! ~~ too much Back to the future liao!!
ok! xia ban le!
xian
posted by Bryan at 4:43 PM
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